time for a change!

wahahaha. tama na ang pagpa2lungkot sa sarili. it's tym to move. wahahaha.ü sa bagay pasko nmn. wahahaha!ü

when everything was supposed to be fine...

today is christmas. yes, it is a season we are supposed to be happy. we eat, cheer, drink, sing and celebrate within this season. but sometimes, we just can't be happy when the truth is we are lonely, just like in my case.

it was 12:01 am of dec 25. i'm excited to do what i planned: call her at exactly midnight. and so i called her, then she answered. so i said "merry christmas!". and so she replied. i said "musta na?" and she answered the usual "ok lng". but i was so unprepared, everything was ruined. there was long silence, and then i said "cge, bye na". and so it is over. but before that i heard her laughing. the call lasted 1:01.

and so i thought that she was laughing about me. as i sat outside, i felt so sad, so stupid to do that. and then almost everyone was sending messages (of course, gm) to everyone as i sat there, quietly. and i thought life's so cruel. and after that i felt that everyone thinks i'm a joke.

yes, i am a joke. at school i am a joke. at home i am a joke. everyone thinks i am a joke. no one thinks that sometimes they cross the line, and i just want to burst into tears, but i just control myself because i thought it was a sign of weakness.

but i realized it was not.

so this starts my christmas day.

my december...

it's just the 13th of december, but I feel something, and definitely it's not good.

i feel so stressed (who doesn't anyway?), tired, and sometimes i think, "if i'll die tomorrow, so be it". you see, death is just a part of life. well, not really, but it's more like a door, and there's too many things that we can know when we go through it. it may be painful, but just imagine it, it's just fine.

anyway, it's not what i'm thinking. it's just that i feel pressure, as if my head will explode. it may sound exaggerated, but i think that's the only way i can describe it. i know there's just a few days left, but i hope i can survive for another day. maybe there's just too many things in my mind.

one more thing that bothers me is her. no, she's not my problem. it is my brain that's making the problem. i'm thinking about her all day, all night. "what could she be doing? who is she with? is she just ok?". do you think this is infatuation? no. i'd say it's far from reality.

i would like to end this post by saying "i love you" to everyone. i know it's far from what i said before, but i thought that if i'll go tomorrow, at least i have said the three words that i want to say to her (she may not read this, but at least i have said it.) gudnyt, thats all.

nyanya!

hehe... la lng... mood swings...


pare ano gagawin mo kpag my ngsabi sau ng i luv u? hehe...

e pag i h8 u?

e kung bkas dedz k n, ano gagawin mo?

e kung niloko ka ng luv mo, ano ga2win mo?

hehe.
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haaiii

pare bkt mlungkot mabuhay? xet nmn... langya lagi na lng problema kharap mo pgkagising mo p lng sa umaga... XET!!!!

waHAHAHA