i still have the strength to fight but not the will
i still love you but i care to how you feel
i still want to believe and keep on standing still
but i'm not ready for the truth to be revealed

i want to dry the tears in your eyes
those tears that cause you sleepless nights
as much as i want you to feel alright
i'm the ones who should be out of your sight

i don't want to clip your wings and make you stay with me
because i know that someday you'll fly and try to find somebody
so i think i should just let go and set you free
simply because this is how things are suppossed to be

it would rather be me than you that feels the pain
with or without you, it'll just be the same
i just fell inlove easily when you came
it's not your fault, i'm the ones to blame

you're acting like you don't know me
you look away like you can't see
i asked if we were friends you said maybe
can't you give me a yes milady?

many things changed and had gone
but i'm still writing songs for no one
looking at the things that i had done
if i can't fix this, nobody can

things are ruined but i have to try
have to fix things though i don't know why
after all the time that flew by
i still have the tears in my eyes

scars are left here in my heart
and i don't know where i should start
because my world was torn apart
when you left me in the dark

a stroll in memory lane

i took a walk in a place i know
a place where there's no sorrow
but the case ain't the same for me
cause it gives me bad memories

i remember that time
that time that i thought you're mine
reminiscing it in this place
brings back smiles on my face

but now they're just dreams
for now you can't hear my screams
i'm calling out your name
but your look's just not the same

i'm taking a stroll down memory lane
so now i'm still feeling the pain
these things are making me insane
these things are wrecking my brain

i want to be freed from this curse
before it turns me into something worse
remove these chains on me
i'm slowly dying cant you see?

failure..

i'm a failure. and i don't want to say anything about this anymore. i've been facing a lot of troubles these days, and i can't win a fight anymore. i just can't afford to lose more, cause i have nothing left in me...

i've lost everything i have, and i cant fix those things that i've ruined, and i know my apologies won't be taken anymore...

it's so hard to start again, and live life like nothing happened. i want to live life like i lived it before, but i couldn't because some things aren't the same anymore. the world just started spinning so fast i can't keep up. things have changed, but i didn't...

maybe this is enough... i've taken more than i could, and it's taking it's toll on my body...

memories...

after all that i've been through
the only one in my mind is you
i'm stuck over here
crippling in fear

the memories of you
haunts me with my eyes wide open
i hoped it isnt true
but everything said it just happened

you left me alone
and i never moved on
i should be over you
but i dont know what to do

i tried my best to run away
but i can't find my own way
so i aint gonna try
so i'll just break down and cry

my mind is lost
and my life is falling
i'm losing grip
and my hopes are dying

and so im closing the doors now
and so i'm giving up now
so i have to let go
just for you to know...

i was...

i was your friend
i was your lover
i did everything
but you didn't bother

i acted like a fool
just for you to feel better
and when you're weak
i was your crying shoulder

but you found another one
and you think i'm better off gone
so you forgot about me
and everything that we've done

i said i'll still wait
but i'm looking for love
not someone to date
i need to get out before it's too late

but i cant get you out of my mind
because love made me blind
to all the wrongs that you did
just to make my heart bleed

slamat!:)

1. pao
2. kaye
3. luling
4. mj
5. marquez
6. lapid
7. angel
8. jonas
9. roy
10. axle
11. bea
12. jassar
13. al
14. ton
15. mga classmates (i forgot, andami nila!!!)

slamat sa inu guyz.:) haha.

ung mga belated, bilisan ang paghabol!!!:))

thin line in between

i don't to be a fool anymore. auko nang magpanggap na meron kahit na ang nakikita ko ay wala. auko nang maniwala. auko nang umasa. sawa na akong umintindi lang ng umintindi. auko nang magpakahirap pa. at higit sa lahat...

auko nang masaktan...

oo na, suko na ako. auko na siyang intindihin. sawa na akong matulog sa gabi na umaasang mahalin niya rin ako at gigising sa umaga na nabura na ang lahat ng pangarap na iyon.

kailangan na kitang kalimutan. kailangan na kitang alisin sa alaala kong puno ng kasinungalingan.

ayaw na kitang makita... :((

i dont know!!!

waah! i'm turning into a freak. i want to know anything. i want to know everything.

kid is becoming a philosopher.

so i want to know the answer to Socrates' great question...

"How can I be happy?"

being happy is not getting everything you want, it's just by becoming satisfied by what you have. but people will never be satisfied on what they have...

so just be satisfied, and you'll be happy. :))

ang nakaraan

waw, grabe, ngaun lng ulet aq cnipag. oh well, sobrang hectic kc ng sched. ngaun lng ngka free tym. haha. aniway, nainspire lang ako mgblog ksi i'm feeling na prang may mali. or maybe...

"everybody's changing and i dont feel the same..."

ryt. prang andami nang nangyari sa buhay ng kung cno2 at prang ngaun ay npakalaki na ng pinagbago nila. hindi ko na maintindihan dahil ngbago na ung paraan ng pakikitungo nila, at higit sa lahat, prang ayaw nilang aminin na nagbago na sila. pakiramdam ko'y ako'y napag-iiwanan na, at higit sa lahat, parang hindi ko na sila kilala...

nkakalungkot dba? pra kang nakakulong sa isang bahagi ng iyong buhay habang ang iba'y nakatakas na sa kanilang nakaraan na nagbigay sa kanila ng bagong pagkakakilanlan at paniniwala. tila hindi ka na makasabay sa agos...

disrespect...

dont do unto others what you dont want to be done unto you...

bullshit. this isnt true. hell, i tried to ask for forgiveness, but what did i get?

"pssh. watever!"

hell, even a kid would even reconcile with the other party, but not a brat.

yes, you read it right. a brat. a brat that has a mind so narrow s/he wont let others change his/her mind. no explanations needed, cause nothing will happen. it will be a waste of precious time.

grow up! you're not always right. you gotta admit that sometimes you're wrong, and sometimes, you have to know how to forgive, so that you'll be forgiven.

just tell me if you hate me.

oh well...

waw, 2nd post sa isang araw. naastigan kasi ako sa 20 things you want to say a person blahblahblah. cguro manggagaya ako.=)) ngek, soree pao.:D

okei, cge, let's start...

1) ikaw ang nagpapahirap sa buhay ko ngayon. pero alam ko naman na hinding hindi mo dadalawing ang blog ko dahil sa tingin mo eh user ako. ayokong patulan yung mga sinasabi kasi alam kong wala rin namang mangyayari kung sasabihin ko na hindi ako user, kasi alam kong hindi ka rin maniniwala. sorry na kng ganun ang tingin mo, pro hindi ako ganun. happy b-day nga pala...

2) idol kita dude, kasi kinaya mo ng 5 weeks. salamat sa mga panahon na kausap kita sa ym. lagi ka kasing ol eh. kaw lang din ung nasasabihan ko ng mga sikreto. bait mo kasi. lam ko namang mpagkakatiwalaan ka, boss jr.:D oh well, haha.:D kung kailangan mo ng tulong, nasa service at skool lang ako.:D

3) salamat sa jacket!=))

4) ikaw, wag maxadong emo. wag na wag kang maglalaslas. maxadong marami ang nag-aalala sayo eh. kahit minsan ganito kmi, labs ka pa rn namin. wahukhekhek! mabuhay ang tropang tipid! haha. mahal ka pa rin nun (kung cno man yun)

5) sorry naputol ko yung string ng gitara mo nung retreat. haha. idol din kta pagdating sa gitara. kaso ansakit pa rn ng suntok mo.:D haha.:D tama na, lalo akong mangi2tim eh.

6) oi tangkad! haha.:D gudlak na lang sa lovelife.:D sige, samahan kita pag bibili ka na sa prp.:D ahehe. tagal na nating hnd nakakapunta sa prayer room ah.=))

7) adik jr! wahaha.:D kahit mag-iisang taon pa lang kita makikilala, naging ka-close na rn kita.:D lamoba, sayo pa lang ako umiyak sa telepono eh.:D haha.:D oh well, sana ndi un matuloy.:D

8) ninang! asteeg ng hair mo.:D haha. gusto ko ng ganyang hair. ai joke. haha.:D salamat nga pala, kng wala ka, bka ndi ako ganito. kung ndi dahil sayo, bka ndi ko xa nakilala. haha.:D oh well.:D

9) oh well, dati close tau, pro ngaun, close pa rn nmn, pro ndi na katulad nung dati. umiiwas ka ba? kasi naman sa tingin ko eh mali talaga yung ginawa mo. hindi nga naman dapat cnasabi sa iba ung mga sikreto ng iba. pro pare, i don't hate you naman. pero let's just learn from our mistakes.:D

10) oi tigershark, konting bawas naman sa kayabangan. konti lang naman.:D

11) ndi ka nga emo tulad nila.:D haha.:D oh well, mdalas na rin kitang nkakausap sa ym at txt kaia i think u deserve a slot in here. haha.:D sana maging closer tau, kc i see a real frend in u.:D

12) kahit kapangalan mo un, frends pa rn tau.:D haha. aus lang khit mang-asar ka ng mang-asar, pro konting bawas. haha. joke. kailan ka ba ulet magdadala ng cheetos? sarap eh. haha.:D unga pala, ndi ka masipag, matalino ka eh.:D pa -humble ka pa.:D

13) oi, mr. ano hw?!?! haha.:D yabang mo ah. joke.:D lagi naman akong mayabang sayo dba?=)) haha. joke. cge na, gwapo ka na. haha

14) yeow pudge! ampuge mo. lagi kang busog. lagi pang highest sa math. adik! haha.:D

15) cute mo kasi eh. kahit lagi kitang kinukurot sa pisngi aus lang sau. haha. pra ka kcng bata.:D haha. tanda ko pa ung gen ass. na nakalagay sa table mo nung first year.:D

16) tatay ka na ng classrum. haha.:D salamat sa pagsabay sa sasakyan niyo. haha, hiya na ako sa dad mo, suki na kc ako.:D soree sa mga suntok, sarap eh.:D haha. and konting bawas sa matataba, andalas kasi tumaas ng bp mo eh. joke!=)) idol mo na nga si acoustic ninja

17) kaw, liit. joke. lam ko namang masipag at matalino ka, bkt ndi mo gawin ung mga hw mo sa bahay? para ako naman makakopya sayo.:D haha.:D aus lang yan kung inaasar ka, wala naman sa height yan eh.:D

18) ui bangs, sobrang cpag ah.:D haha. joke lang ha nung cnabi kong macpag ka lang.:D mdyo kulang ka kasi sa self confidence.:D kailangan mo lang nga tiwala sa sarili. kaya mo yan!=))

19) haha, alam ko na isa ka sa bumabasa ng blag ko. haha. nyc. mgaling ka na nga sa math.:D ahehe. kasi naman, wag mgttxt pag c mam berlie ang teacher. haha. munting prinsipe ka pa ha. joke.:D

20) xempre ang huli special...

alam kong once in a blue moon kung dumaan ka dito sa blog ko. pero alam mo nmn na kng ano ung gusto kong sabihin sayo. mahal kita. haha. ang cheesy. pero aniweizz,sana bumalik talaga ung dati. sana maging close ulet tau. prang ung sabi mo dun sa palanca mo, ndi mo ako ganun kakilala. haai, alam kong wala akong karapatan na sabihin sau na kausapin ako sapagkat may sarili kang buhay at kaibigan lang naman ang tingin mo sakn, pro un lang pakiusap ko...

a war you don't want to fight

how does ot feel to be accused of someone you're not?

sometimes even though you don't want to fight, you just have to. you just can't let anybody look at you as someone you're not. it feels very, ughh...

user, i was called a user...

i tried to argue, but i thought it was useless. come to think of it. if you think someone is a user, will you listen to him/her? of course not.

there's no use arguing when no one's listening...

losing hope...

xet... the truth really hurts, right? well, we just have to accept it, even if it's the last thing you want to happen because the hardest thing is living in a life full of lies and fantasy, which will be the hardest slap on your face if you ever get to wake up and face reality. but the most difficult part is differentiating reality from fantasy.

believe me, my friend. it's the last thing you want to face. especially if you're hoping for something positive that turns out to be negative...

as they say, the truth hurts. it will just make you stop, and make all your dreams shatter just in front of your naked eyes and then you'll fall down, hopeless...

oh well, life's simply like this. but unless your will had really turned you down, you can always believe that somehow, in this cruel life, tables can be turned because as they say, the only thing impossible is impossible...

shit this piece of crap...

oh well... i hope you get me...

now that it's out...

yesh! nsabi ko n rn.:D oh well, i'm feelin a lot better now.:D ahaha.:D

details? y bother look for details? i don't want to share details.:D

retreat!

wahoo! grabe, i'm poofed, and i'm about to go down.:D da heck, 3 hrs b nmn tulog mo eh, tpos d k pa sanay.:D tpos magco2mmute ka n ang bitbit mo eh pagkabigat-bigat.:D

anyway, angsaya ng retreat.:D

kua pau rocks! asteeg ka kua pau, idol!

oh well, kailangan na talagang magbagong-buhay.:D

sakit sa puso...

nakakita ako ng isang anghel
sa lupa'y gumagala
ako'y biglang natulala
nahulong nang aking panga

ngunit may isang problema
may gusto na siyang iba
ano kayang magagawa
para para mabihag ang puso niya?

lahat na ng sakripisyo ginawa ko
sa krus ako'y nagpapako
araw-araw nangunumpisal pa ako
konti na lang ako na'y isang santo

lumunok kaya ako ng bato
para ako'y magbagong anyo
makikilala mo ba ako
pag ako'y naging super hero?

wahaha mukha na akong tanga
baka mas lalo lang kitang mawala
titigialn ko na lang ito
at baka akalain mo ako'y gago

sana naman ay mangyari
ang aking mga hinihiling
ang laman ng lahat ng aking dalangin
sana nama'y pansinin

ngunit hindi nagkatotoo
nasugatan lang ang puso ko
kakahintay sayo
sapagkat noong nalaman ko...

naging kayong dalawa pala
nawalaan na ako ng pag-asa
ako'y sumuko na
sapagkat maligaya ka na

Argh!

grabe, dati nghahanap aq ng gawain. ngaun, boom. andami nila, at ndi ko alam ang aking uunahin...

no 1: filipino
grabe nmn ung gawain nmn sa filipino, nkakapagod. argh! lalo na qng npakarami nio, anghrap lalo n pag magme2et. ambaba nung chance n mabuo kau...

no 2: IP topic
xet! anghrap mgicp ng topic. nkakakamote nmn kc, lalo na kng ndi p kau ngdi2scuss abt d ip... damn!

no 3: palancas
argh! tnatamad aq gumawa ng palanca! wawsh, nakakakonsyensiya kc kng d aq mgbbgay...

no 4: mico's b-day
anghrap mag-aus ng b-day! lalo na kng ung communication ang prob... buti n lng b-day ko after ng test.:D

no 5: family matters
sigh... huhuhu... :((

my love story...

your eyes shine brightly in this dark night
my heart trembles just in your sight
my hand shakes when you pass by
your voice sounds just like a lullaby

i didn't have the guts to come near you
it took time before i got a clear view
of what it's like to be a lover
cause as i see, i also have to be a fighter

they say, patience is a virtue
i have nothing against it, simply because it's true
but my queen, you're giving me no clue
if my dream could possibly be true

i tried to go closer
but you tried to go farther
i've been waiting for so long
yes, for so long

obstacles have always been there
but it's fine to face adversaries
hindrance: it's a part of the game
and i'm ready to put my name to shame

and until my last breath, it's your name that i'll be saying
it's only you that my mind will be thinking
only you that made my life worth living
cause it's only you that keeps my heart beating...

Valeriano Andres, June 12, 1939-July 13, 2007

alas-quatro y medya ng madaling araw. ginising ako ni ate, sinabi sakin na bilisan ko daw at tatawagan ako ni mama. medyo naguluhan ako sa mga sinabi niya. ako'y bumangon at narinig ko na may tumatawag. si mama nga ang tumawag. sabi sakin ni ate na kakausapin daw ako. sinabi sakin ni mama na bilisan ko daw ang pagkilos. parati niyang sinasabi sa akin iyon kaya medyo nayamot sa pagsabi ng "opo". sabay sinabi niya sa akin...

"patay na si tatang. namatay siya nung 1:20..."

ako'y nanlumo. nalungkot ako sa balita. kinagabihan lang ay dinala siya sa ospital kaya hindi ko ito inaasahan. masyadong marami ang ginagawa sa eskwelahan kay hindi kami nakapunta.

noong ako'y pumasok ay hindi ako nagpapakita ng senyales ng kalungkutan. ayokong kaawaan ako ng aking mga kaklase hindi dahil gusto kong ipakita na malakasako, ngunit dahil ayokong ipaalam na nagluluksa ako. dalawa lang ang binalitaan ko, sina pao at mico lamang....

hapon na at ako'y nakauwi na sa bahay. sabi ni mama ay pupunta daw kami sa lamay. ako'y naligo at naghanda, at kami'y tumungo sa punerarya.

habang kami'y papunta ay nakakadama ako ng kalungkutan. mabigat ang pakiramdam ko. siguro ay talagang nakakabigla ang balita. kay bilis lang talaga lumipas ng panahon.

kami'y nakarating doon at nang tinignan ko siya ay hindi ko napigilang lumuha. napakarami ng aking pagkukulang kay tatang. napakaraming pagkakataon na ipinagpapalit namin siya para sa aking mga personal na gawain. ako'y naging maramot sa kanya bilang isang apo.

naaalala ko noon, tuwing makikita niya ako'y lagi niya akong niyayakap at kinukulit. lagi niya akong tinatanong kung may gf na ba daw ako. sinasabi ko na wala. tapos sasabihin niya sa akin na dapat daw ay magkaroon na ako. nanghihinayang ako at hindi niya naabutan ang aking magiging kabiak.

isa pang naaalala ko sa kanya ay lagi niyang sinasabi na kapag nanalo daw siya sa lotto ay magbabakasyon daw kami sa ibang bansa. lagi niyang sinasabi yun, kaya lagi siyang tumataya sa lotto.

gusto ko sanang malaman niya kung gaano ko siya kamahal, ngunit huli na ang lahat bago ko pa man ito masabi sa kanya. hanggang sa mga litrato ko na lang siya makikita at sa panaginip makakasama. hanggang alaala na lamang, hanggang alaala na lamang.

sabado ng hapon ay bumalik kami. buong araw ay nandoon kami (maliban sa ilang oras na nagpunta kami sa bahay upang magpahinga't maligo). tinitignan ko siya at iniisip na tila kinakausap ko siya. ayokong umiyak, sapagkat iniisip ko na ayaw niya rin akong makitang umiiyak. masakit man, ngunit kailangang tiisin.

dumating ang linggo. araw na ng libing niya. kami'y bumalik sa bahay upang ihanda ang aming sarili. kami'y bumalik sa punerarya upang kumain at masaksihan ang pagsasara ng kanyang kabaong. mahirap pala talaga kapag ika'y mawawalay sa isang taong mahalag sa buhay mo. bawat sandaling nakasama mo ay muli mong aalalahanin at muli mong nanamnamin ang mga alaala hanggang ika'y mapaluha sapagkat alam mong hind mo na muling mararanasan ang mga ito.

nakarating na kami sa kanyang huling hantungan. dito ay binuksan ang kanyang kabaong sa huling pagkakataon. hindi ko na napigilang umiyak, sapagkat napakarami kong kasalanan sa kanya. hindi kaya ng konsyensya ko na isipin ang mga kakulangan ko. namanhid ako ng sarili kong kagustuhan.

pagkatapos ng misa ay inilibing na siya. tinakpan, at tanging mga dasal na lamang ang kanyang matatanggap.

ipagdasal po natin ang kaluluwa ng aking tatang na si Valeriano...