time for a change!

wahahaha. tama na ang pagpa2lungkot sa sarili. it's tym to move. wahahaha.ü sa bagay pasko nmn. wahahaha!ü

when everything was supposed to be fine...

today is christmas. yes, it is a season we are supposed to be happy. we eat, cheer, drink, sing and celebrate within this season. but sometimes, we just can't be happy when the truth is we are lonely, just like in my case.

it was 12:01 am of dec 25. i'm excited to do what i planned: call her at exactly midnight. and so i called her, then she answered. so i said "merry christmas!". and so she replied. i said "musta na?" and she answered the usual "ok lng". but i was so unprepared, everything was ruined. there was long silence, and then i said "cge, bye na". and so it is over. but before that i heard her laughing. the call lasted 1:01.

and so i thought that she was laughing about me. as i sat outside, i felt so sad, so stupid to do that. and then almost everyone was sending messages (of course, gm) to everyone as i sat there, quietly. and i thought life's so cruel. and after that i felt that everyone thinks i'm a joke.

yes, i am a joke. at school i am a joke. at home i am a joke. everyone thinks i am a joke. no one thinks that sometimes they cross the line, and i just want to burst into tears, but i just control myself because i thought it was a sign of weakness.

but i realized it was not.

so this starts my christmas day.